1. You try to force her head down there

You started the foreplay and while she’s kissing you on your mouth, neck, chest and stomach, your hand is on her head, trying to push her down there. It’s not quite a turn on to be forced to do something. If you see that she resist against your shy push, don’t insist because it’s not that she didn’t get the hint, it’s just that she doesn’t want to give you a blow job. You should try understanding where she stands. So don’t insist because even if she does give it to you, it won’t be because she wanted to. If she agrees to do it, don’t force your penis in her throat if she is not ready or doesn’t like it. Chocking her is not really a way of making her feel good.

2. You hold her hands or her head while she is down there

It might turn you on to be in total control but don’t hold her head while she gives you a blow job. Or, you can hold it as long as you don’t try to control her moves. There are sex toys for that purpose and you can move them as you wish, but your partner isn’t one. Let her be in control of what she is doing and also, don’t hold her hands. In this case, it’s not romantic at all and she might not enjoy pleasuring you if she feels constrained in any way. Of course, if you like this stuff, then talk it over before having sex and see if she enjoys it too.

3. You come in her mouth without asking

This is rude and in some cases even disrespectful. Always ask before you come in her mouth. Don’t make up lame excuses like you didn’t have the time to tell her or you didn’t know you were about to come. Some women don’t enjoy having your sperm in their mouth and she won’t enjoy the sex afterwards.

Make sure you have a good finish for both of you

The finish is as important as the sex and the prelude. Both of you need to be satisfied and sometimes it’s not all about coming.

1. You stop before she had her climax and you don’t make up for it

A woman needs to know you care about her pleasure as well, so give your best not to come before she had her share. If you do, don’t roll over and fall asleep. You can continue giving pleasure even after you came and especially if she is still aroused. Leaving her unfinished when she almost came can be frustrating. Could you handle that every time? Imagine you stopping before you ejaculate and then letting the pleasure die in a slow way. Do something about it!

2. You don’t control your ejaculation

Don’t excuse yourself for not being able to control your ejaculation. If you try and practice, you can do it, so you just have to give a damn! No matter what your partner does to you or how she moves, you are the one who can best control your ejaculation – don’t blame it on her. If you ejaculate, make sure you don’t make an unwanted mess. Control yourself not to come on her face or her body is she doesn’t want you to. And if you make a mess, offer to help with the cleaning no matter where it is.

3. You shout in her ears while you come

You are embracing each other as you are about to come and you start making loud sounds. If you are screaming next to her ear you not only risk of making her def (just kidding), but it also distracts her attention from the pleasure. So, if you scream in her ear, she might loose all the accumulated pleasure and not be able to come. The fun is ruined and you were the only one who had fun.

4. You mark your territory

No, not similar to a lion! But you leave her with love marks that she might be embarrassed about the next day. No mature woman goes to work bragging with ‘Look what my wild partner did to me last night’ – only in your fantasies, perhaps. So don’t leave her with marks, especially if they can’t be hidden. You are not a teenager who needs to show himself and to other people that he did actually get some.

5. You don’t bond after having sex

The best bonding that take place between couples is the one that happens after sex. Hug your partner for a few minutes and let the cigarette or the shower wait for a bit. It is proven that certain hormones are released when two people hug after sex and they are the ones making both of you feel comfortable and secure. I think this is quite important so do something about it.

Women like the journey, not only the outcome. Do this often and not once or occasionally, for her birthday or for Christmas. Respect your partner even during sex and make your best to ensure that both of you get what you want out of sex.

1. You expect her to do everything you want

You are different people and you are entitled to have different tastes when it comes to sex as well. The right thing to do is to enjoy the common pleasures and not focus on pushing you way into someone else’s idea of fun. You shouldn’t expect you partner to do everything you ask her to, or to like whatever turns you on. For instance, no matter how much you like doing anal, if she doesn’t enjoy it you shouldn’t push her towards doing it, or try to emotionally black-mail her.

2. You want to bring porn into your sex life

You put on a porn movie while you’re having sex without asking her first, thinking that she’ll enjoy it or wouldn’t mind. You are being insensitive and you might be ruining her mood. Just think, if your partner would stare at a porn movie while you are giving your best, wouldn’t that make you feel like you are not that important for the moment? Make sure your partner enjoy the same tings as you do before proposing porn. Also, don’t expect your sex life to be similar to porn movies. It might happen once or twice, but porn movies do not reflect the reality of what happens in the bedroom. So don’t have high standards inspired by porn when you have sex.

3. You expect her to come when you give your best

Even when you are offering your best moves or putting a real effort into making her come, it might not happen. Do these things without aiming for her climax, because otherwise she’ll see that you’re only doing it to make her come and she’ll feel pressured and then unable to feel pleasure. Let her come at her time and don’t insist on it.

Talking about your sex life and the effort related to it

You need at least two people for the sexual intercourse to take place and both of them should take some active part in it. But sometimes the preferences differ and you get the wrong message. Sex should be a great experience or the both of you and it shouldn’t be a routine act.

1. You are making her do the whole work or criticizing for not doing any

You just sit back and relax, thinking it’s her job to satisfy you. You are not a king who needs a sex slave to make him feel good! You need to show her that you do care about satisfying her. Also, don’t criticize her for not doing anything. Not all women are loose in bed and some prefer even standing still while you’re in total control. Criticizing will only make her frustrated and she’ll never be able to come… and it can damage her sex life even with her future boyfriends. You need to talk to see where both of you stand, and make a compromise. If both of you like being passive or aggressive, you can take turns.

2. You don’t spice up your sex life

You do the same number every time. If you are not satisfied with it and neither is your partner, then why not change something? If you do the same things you can’t expect a different result. So talk about trying new things that you both enjoy or would like to experiment and don’t make sex another routine in your life. Think of it this way: where is the excitement of looking forward to sex when you already know in detail what is going to happen?

3. You have sex while you are drunk

It’s not quite a good idea to have sex when you or both of you are excessively drunk. It might lead to unwanted pregnancy but also, it can be a bad experience. When you are drunk you don’t really judge things clearly and your balance is not quite at its best. So you risk hurting yourself and your partner in both of your sensitive areas. If you’re drunk and she’s not, then it’s going to be fun just for you. It might be that you last longer after several beers, but it’s not about the quantity of sex, it’s about the quality. It should be a bonding experience with both of you getting what you want, not just a result of a drunk night.

1. You don’t listen to what she doesn’t like

Perhaps she doesn’t like to be touched in certain places, or she doesn’t like a certain move you make. When you see this or especially if she tells them to you, stop doing them. Even if you enjoy them, listen to what your partner wants and especially to what she doesn’t like. If you don’t, it will only make her frustrated and she will never enjoy having sex with you.

2. You don’t caress her body

You should do it before, during and after sex. A sexual experience is not only about intercourse or grabbing her sensitive areas. The whole body needs to feel your presence and your touch. So make her feel that you enjoy every part of her, not just the ones that contribute to your pleasure. And also, when you’re on top of her, do sustain your weight with your hands, don’t crush her.

3. You make it kinky without asking

Whether we are talking about biting, slapping, scratching, saying dirty words or BDSM, you need to make sure that your partner is into it before you march right in. If not, she will reject you and you might even shock her, and this will damage your future sex sessions – if there will be any. Have a talk before you want to try new things or suggest them in a subtle manner and see how she reacts. But don’t think she said ‘no’ just because she is afraid of trying new things. No means No!

Focus on the penetration

You should be aware of some things before you penetrate her. She might not want it or you might not be doing it right. Also, certain things might be out of reach for you.

1. You go in before knowing that she wants you to

If you had a good foreplay it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants you to penetrate her. Perhaps she was just looking for some pleasure without having sex. If you are just dating, this is quite something you need to keep in mind. But even if you were together for quite a while, if she is not ready to be penetrated then she won’t enjoy it.

2. You can’t find the entrance

You are basically lost. This happens even if you have experience with sex, and when it does, admit it and don’t peck around her vagina. It will make you look silly and even hurt her. After you’ve tried it a couple of times with no success, ask her to give you a hand, to insert the penis herself. This is a far more better option then both of you getting frustrated.

3. You do a routine of accidental anal

You know it didn’t get there by accident so don’t make excuses for penetrating her back door. If she agrees to it, then you should go ahead, but don’t do it against her will. There is a reason why she doesn’t want to do it so respect that. And no matter what penetration we are talking about, use lube if necessary, the one that is bought in the stores and not something else.

4. You can’t tell the difference between pleasure and pain sounds

Perhaps the positions you try during sex are not comfortable for her or they are hurting her. Maybe your way of penetration is giving her pain. If you feel she is not enjoying herself or you are hurting her, stop it. You should be able to make the difference between pleasure and pain sounds.

1. You don’t wash your intimate parts before sex

Hygiene is quite important, especially before doing sex. You need to pay special attention to your intimate area because it can cause some undesired reactions. In other words, how can you expect her to go down on you if you didn’t wash it before, and you came from work ready to have sex? Even if she does it, she’ll have second thoughts next time you jump into sex without washing… and after a few times, she’ll just say no!

2. You don’t take your sock off

Are you in a hurry? It might not seem important, but taking of your sock makes a huge difference to the quality of sex. First of all, wearing sock during sex will make her think you are just in for your pleasure, for coming and not for staying. Then, you’ll look like a teenager who just got lucky one time and want to take advantage before it all goes away. How would you feel is she worn sock while you’re having sex?

3. You don’t give her oral sex from different reasons

She is either unshaved – because she forget or didn’t want to – or you don’t think she wants it. Every woman want to have you going down on them, so don’t make excuses for not doing it. If you got some then she deserves it as well, but don’t make it seem like you only gave her one because you had to. That would be a major turn off. And when you give oral pleasure, don’t just do it for 3-5 seconds to make her see you were well intended. Do it until she finishes or until you see she became aroused.

1. You don’t do much kissing or you’re not quite a good kisser

It doesn’t matter how good your sexual skills are or how great your moves are, kissing is an important part of having sex. So a good foreplay should always start with a session of intense kissing that developed from an innocent one. Don’t go marching in like the aliens are about to invade Earth. Take your time and kiss your partner, and do it during sex as well. A kiss has the magical power of being romantic, sexy, and arousing you.

2. You go straight for her breasts and/or vagina

There are some women who are turned on by a direct approach, but there are few of them. So unless your partner tells you she wants it straight, don’t grab her intimate parts before she is ready. Do it when you feel she began to be aroused, or if you are dating, make sure she wants you to do it. It will make her feel uncomfortable to have you touching her intimate parts before she is ready, and the sex will not go well for her.

3. You are not delicate with her sensitive areas

If an area is sensitive it means it’s not only going to make her feel good, but it will also indispose her if you can’t be delicate. If she is aroused, then her sensitive areas are going to hurt if you grab them carelessly. These sensitive areas are usually the nipples and the clit, but there can be some exceptions, so make sure you know what your partner’s sensitive areas are. If she has sensible nipples, don’t make her feel like she is breast-feeding a baby: be considerate and don’t jump on them like you never seen a pair before.

4. You don’t care much about what she enjoys

Foreplay is successful if your partner is aroused, and to do that, you need to play by her rules. In other words, you need to know what turns her on. So ask her or find out in a subtle way, and try to remember them before and during sex. Of course, she will still have sex with you even if you don’t care for her turn-ons, but it will not be an experience worth mentioning – and you risk or making her frustrated and searching for pleasures somewhere else. Even if they don’t manage to come, the experience will still be amazing if you do the things she likes.

Not being romantic in day to day life

I’m sure you know that romance shouldn’t happen just during sex, or when you want to get some. It’s important that you give her attention and tenderness on a regular basis because it will make a huge difference in your sex life, and you’ll notice it.

1. You are having sex for all the wrong reasons

When you want to have sex you should do it because you are aroused, because you’re in the moment and your partner shares the same feelings. Don’t do it because it’s weekend and you should have some sexual intimacy at least once a week. Having sex for the sake of routine it’s not healthy for neither of you. Also, don’t have sex to release the tension you got from work or worst, to avoid the discussion of some issue or to postpone it. Some men suddenly become sensual when their partner is telling them something they don’t want to hear. Moreover, don’t do it when you’re about to break up in hope that it will make everything OK.

2. You are not paying her attention except for when you have sex

If you don’t want any now, why should you bother to give her your attention, right? That will send out the message that you only need her for sex, and trust me, even if she accepts having sex with you, she will not enjoy it. Sooner or later she’ll put and end to it. So if you’re not living together, take her out from time to time without ending the night with sex or ask her to come over and do an activity together besides sex. If you live together, don’t spend all day at the computer or doing something else, ignoring her, and becoming tender only in the night to get laid.

3. You are being sensual and flattering only before sex

You should make her feel special everyday, not just before getting some. Caress her from time to time when having breakfast, for example, without any reason and tell her she is beautiful when she washes her face in the morning. You shouldn’t be like a dog and expect your treats for every nice gesture you make. And appreciate her for who she is and all the little things she makes for the both of you.

 Xiaohai, a 53 year old maths lecturer was said to have started a wife-swappers chat room on the Internet, the membership of the group steadily increased till they had about 200 members. Ma Xiaohai was said to have started the swingers club when he was depressed because his second marriage broke down. The chatroom initially started as a forum where most participants just discuss their marital problems, it later went on to include physical meting and the progressed to full wife swapping,  some of the events took place at Xiaohai house.

The authorities have put 14 men and 8 women on trial for an offence called “group licentiousness”. A relationship expert at Chinese Academy of social scientist described the law as outdated.

I guess Very Naughty Dating and other sites like our will not be in a hurry to open a Chinese version of our site giving what happend to this poor swingers in Nanjing.

4.      It is not all about genitals

Human body has a wide variety of nerve endings. Trying to simulate other body parts can change the orgasm’s intensity. Experiment with different parts, notice where you fell better being touched or licked, change the intensity and go over again with other sweet spots. Orgasm may come from places you would not expect, just pay attention to whole body, not only genitals.

5.      Get your blood pumping

Find some activities that get you both thrilled. Go for a bungee jump or get parachuted, do something together that will release the special chemicals in your body for a tremendous sex act when you reach your bedroom.

6.      Be naughty even before you are together

If your partner is to reach home late after some busy day at the office, trying to get a little into an early foreplay will sure rush the things, therefore expect when he reaches home to skip dinner and jump to bed with you. Sending a kinky e-mail or text message makes blood pumping into partner’s heart and knowing what is expecting him home will start the party earlier.

7.      Push your sweet spots and discover yourself

Masturbation is not something abnormal, masturbation is a must for knowing better your body. What comes next is an easier lesson to teach your lover.

8.      Experiment sex toys

Buying a vibrator for example could become a tricky thing for a shy person, however, the Internet is crawling with online sex shops, just put an order and have it shipped at your door. Sex toys are great when alone, experimenting with yourself and seeing what suits you or not.

Getting to know each other deeper and allowing your partner to know what you love in bed or you dislike will soon make your orgasms shivering and long lasting, while with time going by you are both aware of your sweet spots that take you up in the sky.

1.      Play with your breath

Watch your breathing while you are having a tremendous sex act. Changing the way you breathe when you are approaching an orgasm can get you on higher grounds. If you notice yourself holding the breath, try for example to change it to shorter and quicker rounds. Try to adjust the pattern and take a tandem breath to reaching the target point together.

2.      Fantasies becoming reality

Try from time to time to put in practice what you are sometimes dreaming about. Do you like being tied in bed or maybe playing a role? Follow your creativity, share it with your partner and use fantasies to have better orgasms.

3.      Guide your partner

Finding the spots for high intensity pleasure can sometimes become a pain while people usually have different sweet spots located all over their bodies. Some are into upper parts of their body, other on their lower parts and so on. Therefore, becoming an “oral guide” for your partner’s “discovery travel” in bed, at least when you are on your relationship’s first steps can become worthy later while he will already know where to find those spots that give you the shivers.

So what is all the fuss about?

The ruling of the French court was surprising and made everybody in France sit up and take notice of the fact that a court can give a judgment, just based on the presence or absence of the hymen and that was deemed as the only proof of a woman’s chastity. It brought to focus the existing situation even in these supposedly modern times and the kind of beliefs prevalent in certain cultures with regard to premarital sex and virginity.

According to a female student, who has been in the US since the last decade, the American culture is refreshingly unique and does not frown upon the fact that she engaged in a sexual relationship with a fellow student whom she loved. Though her family was unaware of this fact, she had decided that since that was the guy she would be eventually marrying; she would have no problems having sex with him. Ultimately though, they broke up and since her family has now fixed up her marriage with somebody from Morocco, she has the onerous task of surgically restoring her hymen just to prove that she is yet a virgin. Women have realised that the earlier technique of fooling a man into believing that he had deflowered a virgin by placing some drops of blood on the nuptial sheets or by artificially making it difficult for the man to penetrate by using the pubic hair to tie a couple of knots is no longer feasible or practical and therefore they have no qualms about undergoing the necessary surgery, if they have been promiscuous before marriage. Many such Muslim women opt for this surgery providing fictitious names and addresses and take the trouble of travelling long distances to get this done so that they are able to present them selves as pure virgins to their families and prospective husbands, even though the procedure is a costly one ranging  between $400 to $1000.

How is the surgery actually done?

The surgery involves placing a duplicate hymen at the vaginal canal entrance and takes about ten minutes to perform. The cost can vary based on the kind of surgical procedure wanted by the patient as some may only ask to stitch the hymen remnants together, which is known as hymenorraphy and others may want the surgeon to insert a capsule made out of gelatin and filled with a liquid resembling blood, which would break upon penetration conveying the impression that the hymen has torn during intercourse. Some others may demand the construction of a new hymen making use of surrounding tissues taken from the wall of the vagina.

Doctors however admit that despite hymenorraphy being taught in medical schools, the operation can be a risky one and it needs expertise to do it right. This procedure was initially done by a prominent American doctor, who took the trouble of training other doctors in his group. Patients are told to keep away from sex and any physical activity for about two and a half months to ensure total healing of the wound. The cost of the surgery varies from $1000 to $2000 in the United States and is lesser at $700 in nations promoting medical tourism. There are other countries such as Korea and China which offer a discount of as much as 50% to students and women who want to go for such a surgery.

So what is the conclusion…?

It is ironical and sad that when the odds are stacked against you in terms of your family not liking the fact that you are not a virgin and you could lose out on a wealthy husband just because of that tissue called hymen not being there, you have to spend money, effort and time to actually construct something and ensure that nobody becomes aware about it. You can even request the surgeon to obliterate any trace of documentation of the surgery and nobody is any wiser about it.

So are such surgeries done only by women who wish to present themselves as virgins?

The answer is a resounding no as many modern married women belonging to the Muslim religion go through the process of hymen repair as a gift offering to their husbands after some years of marriage. This is the beautification or the artificial tightening of the vaginal canal preferred by married women in their late thirties and early forties and they see it as a second honeymoon opportunity gift to be presented to their husbands.

This beautification of the vagina – what is it actually?

It is exactly that. Surgeons actually perform cosmetic surgery by bleaching, tightening and firming up the vaginal muscles to make it look as beautiful as possible. Some doctors decrease the labia size for women who prefer such a thing and do not mind paying a heavy amount for the process. Many women do not mind going through such a revirginisation process many years after marriage as they want to bring back the sexual excitement and oomph back into their married lives. So processes such as labioplasty, vaginal reconstruction and hymenoplasty are just some of the cosmetic surgeries they are willing to undergo. These surgical processes have become very popular and are now advertised as recreational surgery processes. Costs have been coming down over the years and with some countries like Thailand, Hong Kong and China packaging it attractively, married couples do not mind taking them as such package offerings include travel, accommodation, surgery and honeymoon.

Will this pass off as just another novel idea or will it continue?

This can be best perceived as a reflection of the desperation of a woman who wish to please their family and want to put on a false show of their chastity and is also a comment on the rather myopic view taken by certain cultures towards the fairer sex.

In the case of women who have more than one child and face loosening of their vaginal walls and other urinary related problems such as urinary incontinence, the operation can be a very useful one and in fact may also be recommended for good pelvic health. However, to just put up a front for the sake of a marriage and to project something untrue is something that seems unwarranted, but who are we to comment as it is purely a personal decision of the woman in question and the money she wants to spend.

It seems that this process of beautification of the vagina will continue and women will increasingly go for it as an important cosmetic expense to be done to enable them bring back the spark in their sexual life.